I haven't been able to bring myself to write about something that surely needs to be written *somewhere* besides Facebook. But today I will try, and maybe I will make it to the end without sobbing... but I probably won't.

The flowers haven't turned brown yet but the condolence cards are slowly making their way into my nightstand. It's getting a little easier to talk about it, but that oddly doesn't make me feel better - just cold and detached from the reality that my dear, sweet mommy passed away too soon and our goodbyes were short, hasty and felt so one sided. I held her hand for the first time in 2 years and had what felt like seconds to tell her that I loved her. I know it was taking every ounce of life in her to squeeze my hand to tell me that she heard me, but I wanted more. 

My mommy knew how to talk - she was a talker. So I know she had stuff she wanted to say to me and my sisters but could not. And that just kills me. I try to imagine what she would have said to us if she could - but I can't. Okay maybe she would say something like, "I love you girls. Be good! Remember who you are!". Maybe.

I know she is in a better place, free of the pain she had endured for far too long. But I miss her and her beautiful blue eyes... and her smile.

I love you and miss you mommy.

Sept 19, 1942 - Jan. 19, 2011

12 of 12 Challenge

It seems fitting to post my 12 of 12 Challenge at 12 midnight. 

Don't know that I will keep this up, but it seems to me to be a fine idea!

 

astroboy, shower progress, lunchtime, nap time, tree berries, my little friend, 
tree climber, day old empty cans, my big friend, palm bark, washable graffiti, sweetheart

I'm linking up with a different Amy HERE

stuff I don't ever want to forget...

Hayden and Sammie-Sue are playing grocery store in the playroom. Hayden keeps yelling "Have a GREAT day at Wal-Mart!" in a progressively more irritated voice... finally Sammie-Sue said, "I WILL!... gosh."

Advanced Parenting

I haven't "written" in this blog for while... sure, lots of pictures and half-witted comments here and there. So I'm sitting here with all this news, not particularly good news that I *think* I want to share but I'd rather hide it all in the attic.

You see, this week I had to be a parent. And feel totally exposed to the judgment of the parenting police. This week one of my children showed me and many others where I had failed. It was a very 'not proud momma' moment. And so we had the choice of defending and excusing this child or disciplining/ throwing them under the bus. We chose the latter. I know we did/are doing the right thing, but it hurts so much. I so want to forget it happened and sometimes I do. We've never punished a child for this long, so sometimes I'm tempted to bend the consequence to fit my schedule or seriously, just because I love the kid so much that I don't want them to miss out on a fun time.

I can't wait for this week to be over so we can remove part of the punishment. And I can't wait till we've fixed what was broken and can get back to normal again. And I'm so grateful that we can teach our children about trust and repentance and respect for others... I'm going to make more of an effort to teach my children these things.

Christmas at our house... part 2

tickle, tickle, giggle, giggle!!

It's a girl!

oh my word.

Christmas at our house...

Amanda totally wigged when she opened a present from her Uncle E and family.
I don't think anyone could have hoped for a better reaction! Thanks so much!

Samantha spent a lot of time being affectionate and cute as always!

We like to mix our superhero characters around here.

Oh no... Hayden has his own set of tools! Watch out!

Wishing you...

and yours a very Merry Christmas!

'Tis the Season

I could eat 'em

We recently attended the holiday concert at Amanda's school and let me tell you, it was quite a production. Those kids and that music teacher got themselves some talent. It was beautiful, fun and entertaining.



Earlier while we were waiting for the show to start I took a few shot of the little ones.









And then after the show I took this one of Amanda.



I could just eat them all. If it wasn't illegal and gross and totally wrong and all...

Florida

Florida has totally wimpified me. I have tons to do, but

"it's too cold outside! wahhh!!".

What's wrong with me. I used to shovel snow off the walkway out my front door, scrape ice off my windshield and throw caution to the wind driving 10 miles an hour through snow and ice.

It may have something to do with having to drag little ones along who suddenly have to go potty once the seat belt is on. Just a couple days ago it took us an hour to get out the door with enough warm clothes on everyone. And then I opened the van door, threw the kids in and shut the door quick so they wouldn't be cold. I tried to buckle Sammie in to her carseat with her huge bubble coat on...ummm no.  Took off the coat, buckled her in and then Hayden spilled his water bottle all over his car seat and pants (the only warm ones that fit him... nice!)

Unpack the kids.
Redress Hayden as best I can without making him look like a dork.

and back out to the van.

Where were we going anyway?