I haven't been able to bring myself to write about something that surely needs to be written *somewhere* besides Facebook. But today I will try, and maybe I will make it to the end without sobbing... but I probably won't.
The flowers haven't turned brown yet but the condolence cards are slowly making their way into my nightstand. It's getting a little easier to talk about it, but that oddly doesn't make me feel better - just cold and detached from the reality that my dear, sweet mommy passed away too soon and our goodbyes were short, hasty and felt so one sided. I held her hand for the first time in 2 years and had what felt like seconds to tell her that I loved her. I know it was taking every ounce of life in her to squeeze my hand to tell me that she heard me, but I wanted more.
My mommy knew how to talk - she was a talker. So I know she had stuff she wanted to say to me and my sisters but could not. And that just kills me. I try to imagine what she would have said to us if she could - but I can't. Okay maybe she would say something like, "I love you girls. Be good! Remember who you are!". Maybe.
I know she is in a better place, free of the pain she had endured for far too long. But I miss her and her beautiful blue eyes... and her smile.
I love you and miss you mommy.
Sept 19, 1942 - Jan. 19, 2011