I haven't been able to bring myself to write about something that surely needs to be written *somewhere* besides Facebook. But today I will try, and maybe I will make it to the end without sobbing... but I probably won't.

The flowers haven't turned brown yet but the condolence cards are slowly making their way into my nightstand. It's getting a little easier to talk about it, but that oddly doesn't make me feel better - just cold and detached from the reality that my dear, sweet mommy passed away too soon and our goodbyes were short, hasty and felt so one sided. I held her hand for the first time in 2 years and had what felt like seconds to tell her that I loved her. I know it was taking every ounce of life in her to squeeze my hand to tell me that she heard me, but I wanted more. 

My mommy knew how to talk - she was a talker. So I know she had stuff she wanted to say to me and my sisters but could not. And that just kills me. I try to imagine what she would have said to us if she could - but I can't. Okay maybe she would say something like, "I love you girls. Be good! Remember who you are!". Maybe.

I know she is in a better place, free of the pain she had endured for far too long. But I miss her and her beautiful blue eyes... and her smile.

I love you and miss you mommy.

Sept 19, 1942 - Jan. 19, 2011

12 of 12 Challenge

It seems fitting to post my 12 of 12 Challenge at 12 midnight. 

Don't know that I will keep this up, but it seems to me to be a fine idea!

 

astroboy, shower progress, lunchtime, nap time, tree berries, my little friend, 
tree climber, day old empty cans, my big friend, palm bark, washable graffiti, sweetheart

I'm linking up with a different Amy HERE

stuff I don't ever want to forget...

Hayden and Sammie-Sue are playing grocery store in the playroom. Hayden keeps yelling "Have a GREAT day at Wal-Mart!" in a progressively more irritated voice... finally Sammie-Sue said, "I WILL!... gosh."

Advanced Parenting

I haven't "written" in this blog for while... sure, lots of pictures and half-witted comments here and there. So I'm sitting here with all this news, not particularly good news that I *think* I want to share but I'd rather hide it all in the attic.

You see, this week I had to be a parent. And feel totally exposed to the judgment of the parenting police. This week one of my children showed me and many others where I had failed. It was a very 'not proud momma' moment. And so we had the choice of defending and excusing this child or disciplining/ throwing them under the bus. We chose the latter. I know we did/are doing the right thing, but it hurts so much. I so want to forget it happened and sometimes I do. We've never punished a child for this long, so sometimes I'm tempted to bend the consequence to fit my schedule or seriously, just because I love the kid so much that I don't want them to miss out on a fun time.

I can't wait for this week to be over so we can remove part of the punishment. And I can't wait till we've fixed what was broken and can get back to normal again. And I'm so grateful that we can teach our children about trust and repentance and respect for others... I'm going to make more of an effort to teach my children these things.