Sunday, January 30, 2011

I haven't been able to bring myself to write about something that surely needs to be written *somewhere* besides Facebook. But today I will try, and maybe I will make it to the end without sobbing... but I probably won't.

The flowers haven't turned brown yet but the condolence cards are slowly making their way into my nightstand. It's getting a little easier to talk about it, but that oddly doesn't make me feel better - just cold and detached from the reality that my dear, sweet mommy passed away too soon and our goodbyes were short, hasty and felt so one sided. I held her hand for the first time in 2 years and had what felt like seconds to tell her that I loved her. I know it was taking every ounce of life in her to squeeze my hand to tell me that she heard me, but I wanted more. 

My mommy knew how to talk - she was a talker. So I know she had stuff she wanted to say to me and my sisters but could not. And that just kills me. I try to imagine what she would have said to us if she could - but I can't. Okay maybe she would say something like, "I love you girls. Be good! Remember who you are!". Maybe.

I know she is in a better place, free of the pain she had endured for far too long. But I miss her and her beautiful blue eyes... and her smile.

I love you and miss you mommy.

Sept 19, 1942 - Jan. 19, 2011

7 comments:

Debbie said...

This is very, very sweet. Love you!

Deon said...

She knows, Amy. Pack up every little thing she ever said to you, all she taught you, and all she prayed for you, hold it all close to you, and that is what she would have told you and your sisters. She will watch over you and your dear family. Other angels here still with you will lift you and comfort you. I love you.

Becky said...

Remember who you are and who you represent. :)

Sara Lyn said...

Love you.

Sweating in the endless heat said...

My deepest condolences. I hope that you can find some peace, you are one strong woman and I am sure you mommy will always be with you:-)

Carlee said...

Sweet Amy, I love you, may you be wrapped in the arms of HIS love, thinking of you and praying for you.

Jill said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. That was a beautiful post. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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