Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Cruise - The Yucky Part

Imagine, if you will, a 30-something couple happy as can be with snorkeling paraphernalia in hand stumbling into the great blue ocean. Focus in on the woman, 1st time snorkeler, as she simultaneously tries to adjust her too- small mask and put her flippers on. Notice the distance between the woman and the man widen as the enthusiastic, experienced snorkeler-man aims to see beautiful fish and take lots of pictures. See the inexperienced snorkeler-woman make great strides in pain, since the mask is on way too tight and compressing the bridge of her nose with a ton-o-pressure. But wait... what is that? Why is she rolling over on her back and making those weird noises? Why did she take her mask off? Why, oh why, is she drinking the salty water and flailing around?

Watch as the ever attentive man-husband-snorkel-expert arrives just in time for her to pause from hyper ventilating so she can 'feed the fish'. Watch as he drags her sorry butt over to a rest platform where she can sit comfortably and 'feed' more fish in the ocean and gross out the rest of the snorkeling enthusiasts milling around the platform.

Inexperienced-snorkeler-woman feels much better after puking but has turned a bit paler and feels wicked tired. She sends her snorkel-husband away to have fun in the ocean because she is convinced that she will eventually feel better. Hubby is easily convinced and leaves. Snorkel-hating woman suddenly takes a turn for the worse and her right hand contorts into a strange paralysis (think Edward Scissorhands, minus the blades). She stares at the vast ocean she couldn't possible traverse to the safety of the beach. She surrenders and waves down the lifeguard.

Deflated and disheveled and wishing she had not had such a large breakfast before hiking into the extremely choppy ocean, the inexperienced-snorkel-hating-woman carefully falls onto the waverider, behind a manly lifeguard with a reassuring British accent. Moments later they are on their way back to the beach. But the woman has not yet emptied the contents of her fish food stash and proceeds to puke not once, but three times onto the left leg and foot of her rescuer. The woman is feeling so much better now... well, until she looks up between her pukey dreadlocks and hears island music and sees the sea of beach chairs eyes lined up neatly on the beach ahead of her.

Oh the humility of it all.

1 comment:

Sara Lyn said...

You poor thing. (And the poor lifeguard.) Glad you made it through!!!

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